Ruin
by Starlight Pixiedust
Summary: Series of vignettes taking place throughout Han and Leia's relationship. Chapter 5, Tonight, Tomorrow and Forever, now posted.
1. Ruin

Searching for a good Han and Leia fic I had yet to read, I discovered many, many fics that take place after Balance Point. Having not finished Balance Point yet (I'm fifty pages away from the end of it though), I decided to write a fic that takes places between Dark Tide and Agents Of Chaos, while Han was a grief-stricken idiot. WARNING! Very mushy, very plotless. Enjoy!

{Note: This is the first in a series of missing moments, similar to this one. I'm currently working on one illustrating the scene Jacen witnesses, mentioned in Balance Point.}

*****

Leia extinguished lights as she made her way through the apartment towards the stairs. Sighing, she mounted the stairs to her and Han's bedroom. Or what had seemed more like _her_ bedroom alone lately. More often than not, she would awaken to find a comatose Han on the floor after touring his favorite tapcafes. 

Leia wasn't sure if it was good or bad that Han wasn't drunk tonight. She would have preferred to be Jabba the Hutt's sex slave again than spend the night in the same bed as Han. In the five months since Chewie's demise, her and Han had made love perhaps a dozen times; each time Han initiated it. Every time it was because she'd happened to be awake when he came home drunk (and he hadn't passed out in the front hall or on the stairs), or he was simply trying to get away from the grief.

Tentatively, she stepped into their bedroom. Han stood with his back to her, staring sightlessly out the transparisteel, over the Coruscant skyline. That afternoon, they'd received word from Mallatobuck of the memorial service in the honor of Chewbacca's memory in less than three weeks. A strange calm had fallen over Han after reading the message and he'd spent the rest of the afternoon telling Leia stories of when he and Chewie were still smuggling, as he clutched the old cap that proclaimed "It's a both!" that Chewie had loved so much. She was sometimes envious of that wretched cap because of the way he caressed like it was of the finest silk, looked at with a strange love.

Leia walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder gently. His head jerked around and looked at her as if he had had no idea that he had a woman who loved him so deeply she'd navigated the Unknown Regions for him, despite all the moronic things he'd done the last several weeks. 

"Leia," he breathed and hugged her hard. She closed her eyes, and, breathing in his scent, remembered happier times. Han stroked her hair like he'd always loved to do. 

"I know it's hard," she said quietly. Abruptly, he pushed her away and turned away. "No you don't," he muttered.

He was lost to her again. Back into the dark, pain-filled shell he'd already spent countless days in. She was so frustrated. Frustrated with him, with the war, with the Yuuzhan Vong, with herself because she couldn't seem to help her husband. Leia clenched her fists against the emotions that threatened to overtake her; it was a battle that was added to her ever-growing list of losses.

"How can you say that?!" she shouted, "I watched Alderaan be blown up by the Death Star, a command I myself gave indirectly!" She ignored the threat of tears. If she didn't say this now, she might spontaneously combust. "I had no one to turn to. All I had left was the Rebellion. Every moment I spent alone, I relived the explosion. I barely slept for weeks, months because of the memories and nightmares that came." Tears fell unabated down her cheeks. Leia wrapped her arms around her waist, as her legs threatened to crumble. "I had no one to turn to..."

Han caught her as her legs gave way. She sobbed into his shoulder. She didn't only cry for Alderaan but also for Chewie and for her husband's pain. As her tears subsided, she simply held him close.

"I'm sorry," he said stupidly and pressed a kiss to her forehead, to her nose, then, hesitantly, on the lips. Leia sighed and leaned deeper into his arms.

They kissed deeply for an eternity. Time suddenly had no meaning. Separating, they slowly undressed each other, fingers gliding over heated skin that had gone too long without such an intimate touch. Finally, Leia pulled Han back on to the bed. They kissed and made love tenderly.

They lay in the afterglow. Minutes ticked by without regard. Han's head lay over her heart, listening to the even beat. Leia smoothed his tousled hair.

"I love you so much," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

"I love you too." They kissed.

Leia awoke the next morning to find Han gone. He sat in a nerf hide chair in the living room, watching hover cars fly by, the ratty cap in his lap.


	2. And The Universe Falls

It's finally finished, my interpretation of the scene Jacen watched, mentioned in Balance Point. Hopefully, I'll get as good a response for this one as for Ruin. Enjoy!

**_And The Universe Falls_**

Han stumbled into the apartment, his previously white shirt stained yellow from alcohol that didn't quite make it to his mouth. He swore viciously at an unseen enemy as his feet nearly went out from under him. He grumbled as his feet stuttered on the bottom step; he smashed his shoulder on the wall but wouldn't feel it until morning. Cursing at nothing in particular, Han lumbered up the flight of stairs.

Leia stood in the bathroom, pinning her long braid up in a bun. She heard loud curses from downstairs. _Oh wonderful_, she thought, _Han's home. And he's drunk. Why isn't that a surprise?_

She was not in the mood tonight to put up a fight for him. Bending over, she retrieved a dropped hair pin, when suddenly she felt all too familiar rough hands grasp her from behind.

"Come on, baby." Han slurred. Leia was nearly gagging from the smell of cheap Corellian whiskey that seeped off him. "You're drunk," she said evenly, "go sleep it off." In response, his dirty hands slid from her waist upwards and sloppy kisses were pressed to her neck.

A tear touched Leia's eyelid. Had it really come this far? In his eyes, was she really only a sex toy to be played with whenever he was drunk enough now? Was she no longer a woman he had pledged his life to loving? Disgust with herself, Han and the situation in general washed over her. Squeezing her eyes shut tighter, Leia gathered strength through the Force and from the very depths of her emotional self. She tensed her muscles into she feared they would snap, and shoved him backwards.

Han hit the wall with a loud smack and lay stunned on the floor for a moment before dragging himself up. "Fuckin' bitch!" he roared. He grabbed her roughly in a bone-crushing grip. "Hutt-fuckin' whore!"

Leia stared at him in horror. Never had she been so afraid in her life. Her hands flitted back over the counter. Ever since losing his favourite drinking partner, Han had become a hideous drunk, but never had she expected it to go this far. He raised his hand high-

And fell heavily to the tile floor, unconscious. Leia stood over him, quivering, a heavy bottle of scented oil clutched in her right hand, blood staining one side.

Jacen stood in the shadow of his parents' bedroom door, a tear rolling down a smooth cheek. He had been drawn to the bedroom doorway when he heard shouts. Now he could see his Dad lying on the bed. His mother moved around the bed, positioning his head, removing his boots, pressing a cool cloth to the ever-growing lump on his skull. Swallowing against the hard lump that was lodged in his throat, Jacen turned away from the horror his family had become.


	3. Breaking Point

This is supposed to be a humour fic, although I'm not too sure how funny it is. I tend to excel at melodrama and twisted humour. Enjoy!

_Breaking Point_

Han and Leia sat in the most intimate spot they could find, a wobbly table in the furthest corner of the mess area that had been established for the personnel working on Duro. They sat staring at the two plates of cold rations in front of them, the weight of their months apart hanging in the air. With a sigh, Leia pushed away the plates and began to trace the age-old scars on Han's hand.

"I've missed you." she began finally, her voice barely above a whisper, "I've missed everything about you, your smile, your laugh...your love..." She seized his hand gently and stroked the palm. "I missed your body against mine." Leia looked up into his eyes and Han saw only the need and vunerability that he was reflecting back.

"Your touch..." she said hoarsely, eyes drifting shut, as he reached up to smooth calloused fingers over her smooth cheek.

***

The door burst open. Han and Leia fell through, groping hands tearing at clothes fasteners, lips locked in frantic kisses. The door had barely slid shut as they fell onto the dinky cot that occupied the corner of Leia's office/quarters. Clothes were thrown unceremoniously in whatever direction was convenient.

"I missed you. I missed you so much!" Han groaned as he ripped the military issue undergarments off of Leia, before they came together in what can only be called earth-shattering.

***

Threepio toddled down the grimy passageway that led to Mistress Leia's quarter's. Suddenly his auditory receptors perked up. Something that sounded like shouting and groans was coming from down the hall, from the vicinity of Mistress Leia's quarters. There was both a male and a female voice. He attempted to cross-reference the sounds with the voices stored in his memory bank. Then the voices quietened and he heard nothing except for the door next to him slid open.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, startled. There stood Leia's assistant.

"Hello Threepio," she said, distastefully. My, he must get himself in for repairs, first his memory bank worked astounishingly slow, now he can't seem to place her name. Shaking his head, Threepio followed the assistant to the door marked ORGANA SOLO and watched as she punched in the access code for the lock. Door opened obediently, but the unnamed assistant gasped, staring into the room.

Threepio peered over the woman's shoulder and observed the scene, confused. Mistres Leia and Captain Solo were squeezed onto the cot and both were nude, save for the threadbare sheet they were both attempting to cover themselves with. They both appeared sweaty and disheveled. Threepio noted that the room temperature was significantly warmer than usual, and articles of clothing had been tossed across the room.

"Mr and Mrs Solo, please forgive me!" the assistant tried to cover her eyes and turn away, but her foor caught on a pair of pants. She slipped and fell face first into Captain Solo's underpants. She scrambled to recover and raced from the room.

Threepio continued to stand in the doorway unsure on what to say or do.

"Get out, Golderod!" Captain Solo said menacingly, waving his fist. He began to stand then thought better of it, after realizing what he wore.

Threepio hurried off as fast as his metal legs could take him. "My," he commented again to himself. He simply must have his memory bank looked at.


	4. Rebirth

This fic takes place after _Rebirth_, two months after Ben is born. Not much else you need to know. Enjoy!

_Rebirth_

A very content infant slept in Leia's arms. She stroked Ben's cheek lovingly, remembering how Anakin always had the exact same expression on his face as he slept. Come to think of it, Han does too.

Leia lay Ben back in his crib, her smile spreading a little farther. Less than two hours earlier, Mara and Luke had reluctantly left Ben in her and Han's hands. With Ben being only three months old, it was the first time they had let Ben out of their sights since birth. Leia was more than happy to take care of the infant, especially if Han would be there. Perhaps it would give her a brief break from the war against the Yuuzhan-Vong, and a chance to bask in memories of her own children.

Han stood in the doorway, watching his wife lay Ben down. An almost suffocating force hit him as he remembered seeing Leia hold the twins for the first time, back at the height of another war, another time. He clutched the door frame for a moment before stepping forward and sliding his arms around her waist. He still couldn?t believe that he had been so blind, that he had nearly lost this wonderful creature, the creator of such happy memories.

"He's so handsome," Leia murmured, linking her fingers through Han's.

"Who me, or the kid?" Han asked, humor dancing behind his grin and laughing hazel eyes. She offered a sardonic smile and punched him lightly on the jaw.

"Ow!" he howled quietly, "when'd you get so strong?"

"At about the same time that I started jumping into garbage chutes," she smirked.

Ben cooed and stirred in his sleep, his eyes sleepily cracking open. "Hey cutie," Leia breathed in chirpy voice. A voice Han remembered from the days when he was still knee-deep in diapers, and most recently, the one Mara had adapted. Ben offered only a sleepy cry in response.

***

Han lay dozing on the nerf hide couch in the living room, the late afternoon Coruscant sun staining his shirt orange. He'd forgotten how exhausting babies could be, though not nearly as bad as twins. He smiled slightly, remembering when he was still a newlywed.

Han tucked Jaina back into bed for the third time that night. Her and Jacen were beginning to teeth, and they were both waking several times a night. He smiled unconsciously at the silence and padded down the hall. Laying next to Leia, welcome warmth enveloping him, he snuggled close and inhaled the intoxicating scent of her hair. Her hand found his beneath the light blanket.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I know," Leia answered and offered a chuckle. Han grinned, kissed her neck gently and rubbed one silk draped leg. "And I love you too."

They kissed slowly. "Gods..." Han sighed against her cheek, "I could never leave you..." He paused, then offered a cocky grin. "Who'd keep me out of trouble?"

Leia grabbed his face and kissed him roughly, hungrily. Coincidentally, she announced her pregnancy with Anakin five weeks later.

A warm hand found his and a moment later, a familiar body snuggled close to his, bringing him back to reality.

"Ben's finally asleep," Leia whispered.

"It's days like these that make me wonder why I ever wanted kids...then I remember I've made three wonderful children with the woman I love more than anything else in this galaxy, and I realize that every one of those sleepless nights was worth it." Beside him, Leia smiled gently.

***

Han cradled the tiny infant in his arms. Ben slept soundly, like Leia who was still curled up on the living room couch. Han smiled as he marveled at how amazing it was to hold such a young soul, unmarked by the harsh realities of the worlds they lived in. He trailed one calloused finger down Ben's smooth cheek and realized the last baby he'd held was Anakin, 15 years ago.

Leia's thin arm slid around his waist. "Hi," she whispered, "did Ben wake up? I didn't hear him."

"No," Han whispered back, "he didn't wake up, but if he does, don't worry." He paused and smiled to himself. "I'm not going anywhere."

  
  



	5. Tonight, Tomorrow and Forever

This taks place during Truce at Bakura... just something I thought up while sick and reading way too many mushy fics about Han and Leia consummating their relationship. Pure flush. Enjoy!  


  
Today, Tonight and Tomorrow  


  
Leia curled up in the galley with a thick blanket and a strong cup of caf with a good dollop of Corellian whiskey added. She pulled the thick knit blanket around her tighter as the Falcon accelerated into hyperspace. They were on their way Bakura. _Whoopee. Can you sense my excitement?_ Leia thought. She lay her head down on the table, pulling the blanket up. Gods, he was so tired. It seemed every time she was going to have a chance to relax, something else was thrown her way.  
  
Hey sweetheart, a voice murmured next to her ear. Leia grinned and turned her head to see Han watching her.  
  
Hey you, Leia said, sitting up. Han looked at her worriedly.  
You look exhausted. Come'on, he said, wrapping an arm around her tugging her to her feet. You can bunk down in my room tonight. I'll sleep out here, if that's what you want. To tired to complain, Leia followed.  
  
After pointing Leia towards the refresher with a pair of old shorts and undershirt, Han slowly undressed. He worried about her so much sometimes. Leia pushed herself much to hard, to expense of herself and those most close to her. _I suppose it's something I'm gonna have to get used to_, Han thought, tugging on a pair of loose shorts, _cause I'm not going anywhere_.  
  
A voice suddenly broke into his thoughts.  
Oh gods, I'm sorry...  
Han turned around to see a blushing princess in the doorway of his refresher.  
He snorted. Sweetheart, it's not like you've never seen me this naked before. Her blush grew deeper and slow grin spread across both their faces. Their solitary night on Bespin had been a night to remember. They had made love tenderly before falling into a deep, satisfied sleep.  
  
Han stepped towards her. You don't regret that night on Bespin, do you?  
Leia averted her eyes. No, of course not. He tipped her face towards his.  
  
  
Leia stepped forward, gently placing a hand on his broad chest. He inhaled sharply. She looked up and her face reflected the hunger in his. They kissed, long and leisurely. Leia pulled away breathless, and wordlessly led Han to his bunk. She sat on the edge, drawing him down. He knelt in front of her, recaptioning her lips. Hands explored each others' curves. He slid his hands up her undershirt-  
  
And a Wookie chuckle broke the moment.  
Han tore away and shot a dirty over his shoulder, as Leia pulled the shirt done, blushing furiously.  
  
Han shouted furiously. Chewie shrugged. He pointed at the door, replying that the door was open. Han shot another dark look at him as the door slid shot. Turning back to Leia, he shot her a wry grin.  
  
Kinda ruined the moment, huh?  
Leia smiled. Yeah, a little.  
Han stood and picked up his blanket and pillow. I guess I'll go get comfortable... He turned towards the door, when Leia's hand grabbed his.  
  
Leia whispered,   
He turned to her slowly. You sure?  
Silently she nodded. She turned down the blanket and crawl in. Han followed, easily enfolding her in his arms, holding her tight.  
  


***  


  
When Leia awoke, she was still Han's arms. Smiling and snuggling closer, she kissed the tip of his nose. Han's eyes drifted open and murmured, Morning, beautiful. Gently, he traced kisses along her neck, sliding one hand up her shirt, stroking her flesh. She sighed, turning more fully towards him. They kissed, gently caressing each other.  
  
Han pulled away breathlessly. he murmured huskily, if we keep going, I won't be able to stop. Are you sure you want this?  
She looked at him, raw lust and love filling her eyes. Just love me, Han, tonight and tomorrow.  
He caught her mouth in a bruising kiss, and they made love slowly, before falling into an exhausted sleep.  
  


***  


  
They awoke in the late hours of the morning. After several minutes of giggling and kissing, Leia finally struggled from the bunk, wrapped in a sheet, leaving Han protesting for his blanket back. She stumbled into the hall, giggling, right into a Wookie chest.  
  
Leia fell back on to her bottom, then started giggling even harder. Chewie looked at her quizzically, a confused smile on his face. He helped her up, as she attempted to hold her sheet on, and growled that caf was made. She nodded, still holding back a laugh. Leia poured two cups then returned to Han's chamber. Chewie was perfectly aware of what was going on in there, and couldn't be happier. They obviously cared deeply for each other and more than once he had caught them looking at each other in that certain strange way, or steal a kiss in a dark doorway. Chewie remembered Leia's devotion to finding Han after he was kidnapped.  
  
Chuckling, Chewie returned to the cargo bay, shaking his head. He'd leave them alone for now. They certainly deserved it.


End file.
